Family

Have I mentioned how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family? :) Craig's grandma came over today to hang out with us. I absolutely LOVE her company. We have wonderful conversation and a complete blast with the boys all day. Karter smiles and smiles at her. It is so sweet. Rylan loves "Gaaam-maaa" so much that when he sees her he just screams with excitement. Listening to him just talk and talk to her and her going right along with it is one of the funniest things to watch. My mom came by this afternoon and spent some time also. Of course Ry got all excited about Memmaw being here. Karter showed her is sweet little smiles as well. I know my mom loves all her grandboys. Can't believe she is about to have four grandkids....all boys. Wonder when there will be a girl? I am leaving that one up to Ryan and Shelbie to take care of. We are finished..............for a loooong time if not for good. I am so excited to meet Gunner Keith. It is awesome to think about how close all the boys will be in age. Hopefully they will be able to grow up together and have a good relationship with each other. Remington is a little less than a year and a half older than Rylan. The age difference between Rylan and Karter is about the same as Remi and Ry. Then Gunner will be about six months younger than Karter. I miss my Daddy being around all the time. He works in South Texas and is gone for weeks at a time and gets to come home for a few days. It is always so awesome to see him when he is home but I know that I can't just go see him anytime I want. My mom and dad are moving down to San Antonio soon and that makes me so sad and upset. My brother Heather and Remi are too. I don't like this in any way at all. I hate it actually. There is nothing I can do about it so I have to just suck it up and live with it. :(  Rylan loves his Mimi so much. I love that she lives here now. I love that she has been able to be such a big part of Rylan's childhood....and now Karter's. And will continue to be a huge part of their lives. I know that some of my very very best memories from my childhood are with my grandparents. We are truly blessed. I love every single one of you. Even the ones not mentioned here. :)

The boys

Rylan is in bed and Karter is in the swing in here with me. The idea of these two little boys being mine (well ours) is so overwhelming. I have never felt a love like this. I know that is something parents say all the time. It's true. I didn't know I could love like this until they came along. I thought to myself how could I possibly love another little boy as much as I love Rylan? Well I can. It is unbelievable. Really. They are so different already. Karter is a totally different baby than Rylan was. I know... I know they are in fact two different kids. I just can't get over how quiet and calm Karter is. Rylan was a good baby just a lot more vocal. He seemed to want to do something different all the time and is still the same way. Karter is happy doing anything at all really. It is amazing how much love I have for these two little boys. I am so thankful that I have such a hard working and understanding husband who wants me at home with our children. Neither of us care about things or money as much as we care about doing what is best for our children. I can't imagine missing out on anything with them. I thoroughly enjoy how much Rylan learns on a daily basis. Seeing Karter grow and change is unbelievable. I can't imagine anything amount of money or things being more important. When I sit back and really look at my life....our life...it feels perfect. Almost like deja vu....like I am in the perfect place at the perfect time doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I am beyond thankful that my boys have such a wonderful and caring family around them. That they will have such an amazing place to grow up in. Somewhere that they can learn and play with wonderful family around to love them.

Life

Life.
So.................yeah. It has its ups and downs. I have by NO MEANS lived a perfect life. I have made many many mistakes. If I were to take a single one of them back I would be in a completely different place and a completely different person. I love my life. If I didn't lose my precious daughter (Stevie) I would not be where I am today. It took me a long time and many many times of asking, "Why!!??" to understand that it was for a reason. If it wasn't for losing that precious little girl I would not have these precious little boys. There was a reason that God took her so early. We (my ex husband and I) were about to move to Fort Campbell Kentucky before that happened. When we lost her we had to make funeral arrangements here in East Texas and take leave for it. Leave that he didn't have. We had to take out a loan for money that we didn't have because a funeral out of state is very expensive. When we finally got back to VA Beach the military changed his orders and sent him to South Korea instead. I moved to DC and then moved back here to East TX about 7 months later. I had to get a job because I had a husband who refused to support me living on my own. That is where I met Craig. At first I thought he was a typical guy working in the shop. One I would never associate with because I was very judgemental. Oops. After hearing him talk about his nieces and nephew (I thought they were his own kids the way he talked about them) I figured he was a pretty decent guy. I became friends with him and not too long after that fell completely in love with him. The rest is history.
We now have two beautiful boys. I love that I chose not to work and stay home with my boys. Yeah....we could have nicer and newer things but being there for my babies' has been so worth it. I wouldn't trade it for anything on Earth. I love that we live a simple life. I love that we know what is truly important in life. THINGS are NOT important. You don't take a single thing with you when it is your time to go. Of course it is nice to live comfortably. I know that from experience but you have to look at what is comfortable and what is important. You may have nice things because you work hard but you can't take those nice things with you when you are gone.
Family is by far the most important thing you have here on this Earth. Our time here is so very limited and you have to seize every single opportunity to be happy and live to the fullest. Does the drama really matter in the grand scheme of things? I don't think so in the tiniest bit. When you are in your last moments of your life do you want to wish that you had done more? Lived more? LOVED more? I don't. Life is too short to not have the ones you love around you. And on that note it is also definitely too short to have horrible people around you!! 
I am beyond blessed. I couldn't ask for more out of my life. I have an absolutely astonishing family and group of friends. The relationships I have with those people are unbelievable. I truly believe that some things are worth fighting for but some things are so out of our control. Some people and situations just have to be left to the MAN UP STAIRS to straighten out.
Look at what is really important.
Sorry if none of that tied in together to you but it all made perfect sense to me in the moment. :)

First for me

I have never kept a blog. I have had diaries and journals since I can remember. I can't even tell you how many journals I have bought over the years. Some I have kept and some I have gotten rid of. I should have just kept them all. Oh well. What's done is done. The past few years I haven't kept one because it seems like I have just been too busy. The only time I really have time to do something like this is at night after my boys are asleep or when they are busy doing something with daddy and mimi during the day. I am hoping that through this blog I will be able to get out my feelings. Thoughts. Concerns. Happy and sad moments/events. I have a lot of things that I need to get out lately. I love my family. They mean everything to me. Lately there have been things that have hurt them and it hurts me that they are hurting. For something that is so beyond ridiculous it is hard to even put into words. I pray constantly that things will come to light and everything will be seen for how it really is. That everyone can move past the pain and be happy again. I know in my heart that God will one day make things right. Will make everyone understand. No matter what happens we have to take one day at a time and trust that He has everything under control.